Happy birthday to me

June 20th:

As you may have guessed, today is (was) my birthday.

To celebrate, I went off to Denny's (after the bottle depot) as they give a free breakfast on your birthday.

I thought this would be a good chance to see if I could actually eat things. 

You get pancakes (never a favourite of mine), eggs, sausage, & bacon (mmmm... bacon). A pretty great deal when all you have to do is show up and pay for a drink. I had coffee and water.

Not bad for the price of a cup of coffee.

Unfortunately, the water had ice in it. Cold things hurt my mouth.

I attempted to eat, trying everything. The pancakes, as expected, were gummy and difficult to get down. I didn't bother with the  syrup as I didn't think it would make any difference.

The eggs were good, but the taste was still bad. I managed a coupla bites.

The sausage was the same. Starts out OK for about a second and then the taste, or lack thereof, kicks in and it becomes an unpleasant experience.

Also, the same held true with the bacon, regardless of my attempts to eat a whole slice. Anyone who knows me, knows that something must be wrong if there's bacon left on my plate.

As far as I got.

I felt kinda bad for wasting the food. I hate waste. But I wrote this off to science. I did manage to drink most of the coffee. I am hopeful that soon I will be able have a cup in the mornings. One little nod to normalcy.

The staff was quite concerned that I didn't like it and I ended up having to explain that I was recovering from radiation treatment and it had completely fucked with my mouth and taste buds. Even the manager came out asking if I wanted something else.

Again I explained and reassured them it was me, not them.

I felt kinda bad.

I wasn't surprised by the results. On the plus side, things weren't as gross as they were a coupla weeks ago, so there's that. A small light in the distance. A glimmer of hope that this will eventually get back to some semblance of normality.

Just not fucking fast enough.

At least I got $50 at the bottle depot.

I am starting to run errands. Not a lot and not ones that require a lot of exertion. The bottles was one I had a bug up my ass about so I finally took them back after I stopped at the optometrist.

Ah yes, back to the eye.

About 3 weeks ago, my right eye, the same one with the detached retina started to get a little blurry. It was worse with my reading glasses on and stayed that way for a while when I took them off.

They did their usual tests including the dilating eyedrops.

The long and short of it is I need go back tomorrow for an eye exam, which I needed anyway, and will most likely need glasses.

I'm already planning on asking about contact lenses as glasses don't fit my life all the time.

Of course, they wouldn't be covered by my benefits plan. At least the exam and glasses will be (up to a certain amount).

I will be pissed if for some reason I can't wear contacts.

On another note, I meet with my radiation oncologist on Wednesday. I'm hoping he will tell me I'm cancer free and this will will be over shortly.

In reality, I'm not expecting that. The cancer free part I have great hope for but the rest...

I image it will be more of we can't determine how long it will take for the side effects to cease and/or what will be permanent.

I'm thinking I've lost my beard forever, which will take a little getting used to. In the plus side, I really don't have to shave, but I'm not sure the trade off was worth it.

Everything I've read is telling me the lack of taste should last a few weeks to a few months. Or it might be permanent. Everything has a caveat that it varies by person. I appear to be in the higher percentile for bullshit so I'm not overly optimistic about a speedy recovery.

The mouth should continue to heal, so that's one obstacle that will be out of the way. Hopefully the dry mouth, gumminess, and phlegm all dissipate sooner than later.

But having my taste buds permanently fucked is something I'm not ready to deal with.

I'm honestly not sure what I will do if it doesn't right itself. Do I just have to try to get used to food tasting like crap? Is that even possible? Or may I end up with a very limited amount of foods i can eat and somewhat enjoy? Frankly, the prospect is too depressing to dwell on.

To try to deal with the dry mouth, I bought some gum and lollipops.

I've only tried one piece of gum that comes in multiple flavours. It was actually a bit difficult to chew and the fruity flavour was not pleasant due to my mouth adding it's own twist to the flavour.

I'm not very hopeful about the rest of the gum or the lollipops. I'll try them but they may be going back. They are all special candy made with Xylitol and designed to help moisturise the mouth. They were not inexpensive and the first gum failed the test.

I just really wish this could be a little easier.

June 21st:

Back to the optometrist. Eye exam. I'm gonna need glasses for the first time in about 20 years.

And glasses are expensive now, holy crap.

Looking into contact lenses. I have some samples coming and I will have to go in for a fitting. Haven't worn contacts in over 20 years either.

I prefer contacts. I can wear sunglasses and I don't have to worry about glasses. Thinking it will be nice to not have something on my face. I've been using readers for quite a few years now.

I'll still need a pair of glasses for those times I don't have contacts in, but I can live with that.

Of course contact lenses are not covered by my plan so that will be an out of pocket expense.

Looking to go with the dailys. I like the idea of not having to faff around cleaning the damn things every night.

Of course they are a bit more expensive than the the bi-weekly ones, but you don't have the added cost of the cleaning solutions.

And you can get multifocal contact lenses. That might take a little getting used to. But I think it's pretty cool.

I'm honestly totally unsure how they even work.

I wonder if I'll have to hold my head up more when I'm on the computer.

June 22nd:

Blood work today. I haven't specifically been told I'm still getting it, but I'm assuming they will want it. And, my standing order is good until June 2027. I'm hoping I won't still be doing this in a year's time.

The blood work results are generally what sets off the calls and appointments for the week.

Speaking of calls, I didn't have any last week except a command hydration appointment. Then crickets. I'm honestly not sure if that's a good thing or not. Perhaps they are getting tired of me.

I did get a call to remind me of my blood work as I was leaving to go and get it. I like to go later in the morning, closer to noon, as there is no line-up. I can go straight in. In and out in 5 minutes. I've seen it backed up for well over an hour earlier in the morning.

I'm starting to know what's coming by the results if I see them first. There are few things to keep my eye on. Magnesium, albeit, that might be under control now, platelets, a serious one but has been behaving as of late, potassium, a bit of a crap shoot, and hemoglobin, another serious one that if it's not behaving, could lead to a blood transfusion.

Fast forward a coupla hours and my results are in.

Magnesium is well within normal range as are platelets. Potassium is low as is hemoglobin, albeit, hemoglobin is the same as last week. I am not sure what this means for me. It's not low enough to warrant a transfusion. Maybe a hydration? The potassium may get me 3 days of pills... again.

As an aside, I am constantly amazed at how good the vampires are. Today, much like last week, I felt nothing when the needle was shoved into my arm. Not a prick. Not even pressure. I have no clue how they do that, but I am grateful.

Now the waiting game to see who calls me and when.

Fast forward again. I just got the call. Potassium meds and 2 days of hydration. Can I call it or what?

June 24th:

The big day finally arrived. My follow-up with my radiation oncologist.

I have no idea what to expect. What will he tell me? Am I cancer free? Do I need more treatment?

In the end, the follow-up went well. They stuck a tube up my nose to look in my throat. A most unpleasant feeling, I can assure you.

There is a large screen directly in front of you while they do this so you can see what they see.

It's kinda like being in your own personal documentary.

I could see the tumour was virtually non-existent.

Doc says things look "very good."

He thinks we pretty much got it all but was hedging his bets, of course. I suggested this was to avoid a lawsuit. He actually laughed at this and said in reality, it was to not get my hopes up too much as they can't be 100% positive it is gone or won't return at this point.

And there's the rub. That's the real fear now. Having to live with that possibility. To move along with that always in the back of your mind.

But I can't worry about that now. Now is the time to keep recovering.

He told me things really start to recover about 2 months after treatment ends. We are at 6 weeks. Hope springs eternal.

In the meantime, it's a diet of Boost, water, and flat club soda while attempting to try something every few days to see if there is any change. I have a hankering for corn chips.

I am hopeful I'll be able to have a cup of coffee in the morning and not hate it. One small step towards a normal life.

We'll do another follow-up in about 6 weeks along with CT and PT scans. The scans, along with the physical exam, is supposed to give a much clearer picture of where we are. I'm hoping to be eating solid food by then.

The world's greatest nutritionist stopped by during my hydration, prior to my follow-up appointment.

She suggested I start taking zinc. Apparently. it may help with the tastebuds rebounding as it's proven to have some positive results in some cancers. The jury is out as to just how effective it is and she did say the efficacy rate with head and neck cancers is not great. Can't hurt to try.

Another hydration appointment tomorrow and blood work on Monday. Apparently the last one on my standing order.

Just a little pin prick.

According to the Doc, the results will determine if I keep going on with the blood work.

June 25th:

I got my trial contacts yesterday.

There was quite the sell job about not wearing them too much and they won't replace glasses I was starting to wonder if they even wanted to sell them to me.

Tried them out for a few hours. Far vision is about the same as without. Near vision appears to be hit and miss. They did say there would be a period of transition while my eyes get used to them.

I need to get my glasses so I can properly compare and ditch the reading glasses once and for all.

June 26th:

Second day with the contacts. They will take a little getting used to. I'm hoping the 5 days trial lenses will be enough to convince me whether I want to stick with them or not before spending money on 3 month's worth of lenses. I suppose I could do 1 month initially.

Off to another hydration appointment shortly.

Fast forward... took 3 pokes to find a willing vein today. And all 3 hurt. More than usual.

A couple of the nurses told me I was looking much better.

I'm starting to think I'll miss this place once this is all over in a weird way. It's been such a big part of my life the last several months.

But I'm sure I'll get over it once I can eat a burger.

All good things.

S